SurfacePro3
by EvenstarWarrior
Summary: How did the Battle at the Black Gate really start? Over to innocent computer devices. Features the Mouth of Sauron! Written as a parody for the Christmas SurfacePro3 commercial. Rated K for mild violence.


**I do not own the SurfacePro3 song, and I do not own Lord of the Rings. I also do own Mac computers, these are all trademarked. I also do not have any preference as which is better. All rights to their respected owners. :) **

**SurfacePro3**

The last army of Men waited outside of the Black Gate anxiously.

" Where are they?" Pippin asked his voice no more than a whisper, with more than a little fear in it.

Tiered of waiting for the Dark Lord, Aragorn urged his horse into a canter, his group of delegates right behind him.

"Aragorn, what is that on your saddle?" Legolas asked, as he watched Aragorn balance a Mac laptop on his saddle horn.

" Oh this?" Aragorn asked pointing to the computer, " I'm trying to balance my Mac on my saddle." He elaborated catching the laptop right as it tipped of the horse.

" Why?" the elf asked.

" Cause it has my notes on it." Aragorn explained matter of factly.

Gandalf sighed and shook his head.

" How long have you had the thing?" Éomer questioned glancing at the beat up computer. They had now stopped in front of Mordor's Gate.

" Eh, about 15 years. Elrond gave it to me." he paused, "or was it 25 years…." He let the though hand as he pondered it. Some awkward silence followed.

"Aragorn?" Gimli said, startling the King out of his thoughts.

" Huh? Yeah?" he jerked his head to look at the dwarf. He then noticed that the entire group was staring at him. " What?" he questioned glancing at everyone's faces. Gandalf nodded toward the gate. " Oh!" understanding dawned on him, " Right!" he straightened is posture and adopted a serious expression, " Let the lord of the Black Land come forth! Let justice be done upon him!" he called.

Silence.

Eomer's horse shifted.

More Silence.

Everyone was eying that get wearily.

Still more silence.

Just when everyone thought that nothing was going to happen, a low-pitched groaning split the silence. A black horse covered in dark orcish armor, and a rider covered in the same orcish armor came forward. On the pommel of his saddle was a table looking thing.

" My master, Sauron the Great, bids thee welcome." The Mouth of Sauron greeted, showing off a very toothy grin. Well, it tried to be a grin, it looked more like a snarl. Aragorn gave him a mocking look, while Legolas was struggling to get past the Mouth's grimy teeth. " Is there any in this," he paused to look down at the tablet," …rout with authority to treat with me?" he questioned.

" We do not come to treat with Sauron, faithless and accursed. Tell your master this" The armies of Mordor mu-"

" Hey, is that a tablet?" Aragorn asked while rudely interrupting Gandalf. The Wizard glared at him.

" No, it's a SurfacePro3." The Mouth said proudly.

" Oh yeah?" Well, I bet it's not as good as my Mac! I love it! It's so delightful." Aragorn boasted while affectionately stroking the computer.

" So's my Surface. It's just as powerful as your Mac." The Mouth of Sauron countered. With that he took out a pen from one of the concealed pockets in his armor and began writing on the Surface.

" You can write with a pen?" Éomer asked craning his neck to get a better look.

" You can say that again! I really like my SurfacePro3." Now it was the Mouth's turn to boast about his device. Aragorn shot him a deadly glare.

" Hey what's that on the back? Is it a kickstand?" Gandalf questioned suddenly becoming interested in the new topic of discussion.

" Touch screen too! That's pretty slick man!" Legolas commented seeing a new shiny object to catch his reflection in.

The Mouth of Sauron unfolded the red keyboard from the back and detached it.

" It comes apart, I see." Gimli commented.

" It's even got a USB!" Éomer exclaimed, completely fascinated with computer.

Aragorn shot them all deadly dangerous glares and had stayed q1uite not willing to oogle over the Mouth of Sauron's modern computer.

" Well, you like it?" the Mouth asked when everyone was done admiring it.

The group nodded their agreement, well, all except Aragorn.

" I don't." the King said sound like a grumpy two year old.

" I'll tell you what," The Mouth started, " If you say, you like my beautiful, sleek, SurfacePro3, then I'll have Sauron call off all the armies of Mordor." He finished attempting to grin evilly.

The group looked at Aragorn, then back to the Mouth. Would he do it? Say four words and avoid bloodshed and a horrible battle? It was going very rough on the King's pride, no one sure he would do it.

But with Aragorn being a wise ruler relented. " I think…I like your SurfacePro3." He mumbled. A collective sigh went through the delegates.

" Ah, what was that? I couldn't quite hear you." The Mouth taunted.

" I said, _I think I like your SurfacePro3_" the King seethed, more than a little angry.

" What? What did you say? I didn't quite catch that." He continued to taunt.

Well, Aragorn about had enough of that. He urges his horse forward.

" Aw, is Isildur's heir mad?" he teased, " Is he gonna come and get me with his broken Elvish blade?"

That just crossed the line. With a fierce cry Aragorn drew his sword and swiftly cut off the Mouth of Sauron's Head.

" Well, I guess we'll never now where he got it." Gimli said gloomily referring to the SurfacePro3 that was now being trampled by Aragorn's horse.

" I do not believe it! I will not! That device is not better than my Mac!" Aragorn exclaimed.

Suddenly, marching could be heard, as an army of orcs approached.

" Pull back! Pull back!" the King, shouted upon seeing the orcs.

And with that final act, the final battle for Middle-Earth began.

**Hello again everyone! This story was not one of the top picks on my poll, but this one was already have way written and one of the shorter ones to do. Also, I don't actually have a full plot for **_**A Night at Rivendell **__**Pt. 2**_**. So, that will be the next one to be worked on as well, as the **_**Chronicles**_**. One more thing before I go, this was my first humor story that didn't have any of my sisters help, so please if it's not that good, try not to hate too much. ****:) Thank you for reading and reviewing! **

**~EvenstarWarrior **


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